Letter from Reader: Why Do I Keep Creating the Same Old #@*&! ?


Dear Patrick,

”…I don’t know why I can’t seem to create a different result in my life, I keep repeating my past in different forms. I seem to create the same type of relationships, people, jobs and results over and over.  Of course, they look different each time, but underneath they are the same. I am a professional with good skills and the respect of others but it feels all meaningless and unimportant right now. I also have taken many personal development seminars and have “worked” on myself. It’s all good information but nothing seems to change. I really want to change and make a leap in my life, but it doesn’t seem to happen, what is the matter?

Signed,: Baffled and Stuck


Patrick At Desk Modified Cropped SmallDear Baffled,

I know exactly how it feels to repeat the same patterns over and over. Most of us do. You are not alone in this so don’t despair.

I suggest there are two reasons you keep repeating the same stuff over and over.


One is that you are in a loop with your past. That is, the decisions you have made in your life about yourself and others are making all your choices for you. You are not thinking consciously when you make your choices. You, like most of us, go on “automatic” and make our choices based on our past history. Automatic (unconscious) choices keep us on the treadmill of repetition.

The second reason is that somehow, habit, familiarity and routine have become more important than excitement and “aliveness”. In other words, the misery we know is much preferred to the misery of the unknown!  The more we repeat ineffective patterns the more they become the “norm”.  I know many people who have complained for years about the same problems and are very comfortable with complaining but are terrified of actually doing something different.

A solution: Radical Awareness and Radical Action.

Radical  Awareness: When you become aware and “awake” to your own thinking you will realize something amazing. You are in more control of your life.

You can determine whether your past is a really good predictor of your future or a really bad predictor of the future. Let me explain what I mean:

It is a good predictor when we let past belief systems tell us what is possible in our lives. When we believe that the events from our lives, things we are told by others and our personal history is “who we are” we fall into patterns.

This is what I call being a “prisoner of the past”. Your subconscious beliefs and past experience will determine the box in which you live.

When the past is a “bad” predictor of the future it means that you can determine the direction you want your life to go based on your commitment and your life purpose. Right here I would like to say that, of course, the past has great value. Using the experience from the past, learning lesson and gaining wisdom is wonderful, but allowing our past to determine what we can or cannot do will severely limit your ability produce new results.

This means, Baffled, you are the sole authority on what is possible in your life!

        Not your past,nor your genes not your parents, teachers, relatives, friends or spouses.

        You can decide your future. This is called freedom.

To repeat, you might consider allowing your life “purpose” and “commitment” to guide you toward your future not old and ineffective belief systems!

Radical Action (for great results)

Start by doing something you’ve never done before!

Try something out of character. Go somewhere, take a class, dance lessons, anything that you are not good at and makes you a little uncomfortable. See how it feels. After a while you can get good at being uncomfortable. I suggest that you apply for new jobs in new locations. Move around, meet new people. It is really important to start associating with people who are creating their lives by their attitude and vision. Hang with people who challenge you and support you greatness not your limitations.

Break the pattern!

Get a Mentor

This is important. Find someone to challenge you and to teach you new ways of looking at things. This mentor should have a lot of actual world experience and be someone who has been there before you. It is really hard to go it alone. You don’t need to. Finding support in creating extraordinary results is the mark of someone who is serious about their life and incidentally is the mark of true leadership as well.

Life is Exciting and Challenging

Remember Baffled, keep the patterns and routines you like, dump the ones that are not brining you joy. It will be difficult, possibly painful, but in the end of the day you will have a much more extraordinary experience of life.! Again, find a great mentor, coach or friend who can support you in breaking through.

Live the life you were born to live, you don’t need to wait!

With Respect,

Patrick Dean


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Patrick Dean MA, President Seminar Systems Patrick Laughing

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