For You, Free Thirty Minute Call. “Please talk with me personally: Just one call can have a very positive effect on the way that you think and feel. People have described feeling more direction, more motivated and more inspired after talking to me. I will listen and answer your questions, offer support and advice, and give you tips and strategies that you can use right away.” Continue reading “10 Minutes: How to Choose a MentorCoach”
You can tell if you are a great leader by looking at the people that you have around you; Are they challenged, self motivated, loyal and not afraid to make decisions. Do they speak openly and have a sense of mission and purpose? Continue reading “What is Your Leadership Personality?”
From my personal experience, (and from my experience being with thousands of people in my training and seminars) I want to share with you ways of thinking that will lead to more joy. These will also create less stress and a more calm and “drama” free experience of life.
Seven Ways to Create More Joy in Life Continue reading “Seven Ways to Create More Joy in Your LIfe”
I don’t want to sound preachy to you all but this message is only for my special friends who need hear this now. I was led to write you.
Never give up.
I know you will be restored.
I have lived through the darkness and know that on the other side is something is a truth that only people who have made this terrifying journey have experienced.
They have been restored…You will be restored.
And what will restore you? Love. Sounds so stupidly simple. I don’t mean romantic or brotherly love, I mean love as the universal power, the power greater than ourselves. It is all around us just for the taking.
…and the amazing good news is that you don’t even have to believe in it to have it happen.
I have seen it a thousand times…I have experienced it. And how are we restored? By doing our job…the only job at hand; the removal of anything that stands in the way of the acceptance and expression of this love. Please, let it go if it interferes and does not serve you any longer.
I have come to believe that the most amazing of all of this is that love is our natural state as human beings. When we get it all out of the way, the hate, jealousy, the judgment, the disappointment and comparison what show up is love. Love can never be lost, nor found nor sought after, it is always there, it can only be acknowledged or unacknowledged within us.
Believe in yourself and in love and you will come through this time in your life. You are not now and never have been alone. Patrick
A fulfilling relationship is one of the greatest pleasures and sources of satisfaction there is
in the world, but it also seems like the easiest thing to take for granted. It is easy to steer attention from a relationship and pay more attention to a bigger challenge at a particular moment. Job, kids, relatives, friends, and even church can divert our attention. It is normal, in the short run, to shift our focus to different areas of life.
However, if something takes our focus away from our primary relationship, consuming our attention and energy, and eventually becomes more important than our relationship, this can be looked at as a form of infidelity.
I know this is a strong word but infidelity doesn’t have to be a sexual betrayal, it can be anything that we put more focus and attention to over a period of time and which begins to render more satisfaction and fulfillment to us than our relationship.
Infidelity can occur with a job, friendships, relatives, sports, hobbies, TV, and any number of things. Of course, none of these things are bad in themselves and doing other things is very important to having balance in life. The point is, if you don’t put your attention, honest expression of your emotions, and time into a relationship, it starts to become less fulfilling and more routine. Sometimes you don’t even notice this occurring; we just notice that relationships don’t give us the same sense of fulfillment, love, and adventure.
Fortunately there is a remedy for this condition, but it does take discipline and practice. The main thing is to start putting quality time into your primary relationship, and you will notice an immediate difference in the level of intimacy and enjoyment. Plan things together, go places together, put aside some time where you just talk without distraction.
You can start at anytime to create great relationships with attention. After all, relationships are our greatest treasures. Guard them!
(For all you readers I would like to invite you personally to our Principles of Success, Online Class. Every Monday night we have a one hour session that will give you tips on improving your business and relationships. People who have participated in the course have learned :The Hero’s Journey” System that create consistent results.
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I have now experienced in my life many ups and many downs. I have lived a very lavish lifestyle and have lived hand to mouth. I have owned Porsches and ridden the bus. I have owned real estate, had rentals and had to live withrelatives. All of it has taught me some valuable lessons. I have also had the privilage of working with thousands of people in dozens of different countries. All of this has led me to a new “practice”. Since I want to experience a life of contribution and peace, I am designing my life based on two principles; service and clarity.
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Service is my passing on to others (through mentoring and training seminars), what I have learned about success. I have seen what creates success, satisfaction, happiness, and a life of significance for some people. I have seen struggle with others. I have seen clear paths so that each person can create the life they want and deserve.
I will share what I have learned because I am committed to creating other great mentors and facilitators. People who will become more effective and reach more people than I ever could alone. “A world that works for everyone with no one left out” is our company’s vision. It may not be realized in my lifetime but I will continue to training world class leaders as long as I am able. This is my service.
Clarity is the simplification of life. I cannot stress how much joy and freedom has entered my life since I made this commitment. This has meant getting rid of things I thought defined me, such as cars, houses and other stuff collected over the years. Downsizing distractions while focusing on purpose has made a huge difference in how well I sleep at night.
Clarity also means being radically clear and honest in relationships. Saying what needs to be said in the moment, Not hanging on to drama and opinions as if they are important (when they are not!). To me clarity allows me to love fully and also to let go of mistakes more often. Clarity has to do with a clear definition of character as well. Wrestling with the question “What is really important to me” caused me some painful realizations, but in the end, has created peace in my life.
A Shocking Statement
One of the most freeing things I have learned is that we cannot control the final outcome of our relationships or our lives. A shocking statement for the goal setting and positive thinking groups, but I believe it is true. I love goal setting and positive thinking, but it is an illusion to think that we control everything all the time. Thinking that the end result must look exactly as we expect can paralyze our actions, and make us fearful.
The amazing paradox here is knowing that the outcome may be different than we expected actually opens the path for bold and decisive action. If we know the outcome will take care of itself, we are free to be totally committed and passionate. Besides, the journey is much more enjoyable along the way when you aren’t always looking at the scoreboard.
My life has been filled with the unexpected. If I can learn some lessons, live with great joy and great disappointment and not give either power over me, I am living an authentic life.
Join me in simplification and clarity. Bring more peace and joy into life. Get committed to the outcome you want, be passionate, be unreasonable, go for it, and great success will occur.
Remember, It is ok that it won’t look the way you expected it to. Could be outrageously better!
Patrick Dean is a Master Trainer, seminar designer, mentor and author. If you are interested in a 30 minute free talk with him about the content, design and marketing of your seminar, training, workshop or any great idea you have, he would love to talk with you. Very simple, please click on this URL and select a time that works for you:
For Gentlemen: I know this is supposed to be a business format and the blogs should be directed toward professional development, but this one is not. I am moved to write this because of questions I have been asked by men, recently, in my live seminars as well as my webinar training sessions.
This is about relationship and things I have learned working with thousands of people and listening to what creates success and what creates struggle. I am not the smartest guy around but even I have learned and seen some very clear patterns all our behaviors.
Here is something I have learned I want to share, completely off the business tract.. I hope this contributes to a great relationship for you.
Women need intimacy to have sex, men need sex to have intimacy. If you want to have more sex, gentlemen create more intimacy in your relationship.
Here is my experience of what works:
If you want to have some great sex, first, try kindness and courtesy. These seem to work really well. I think we are so busy and familiar with our partners that we forget to be kind and polite. Great sex starts way before the bedroom. Opening a door, pushing in a chair, kind comments go a long way to create trust and intimacy. Do you think this is old fashioned? Try it anyway.
The next idea is called “The honest conversation”. Most conversations are actually formats where people try to prove they are “right”. If you can have a conversation without judgment and without needing to be “right” you are going a long way toward intimacy. If you can have a conversation without try to “fix” the other person or solve their problems you have entered that place of rarefied air called actual communication.
Another idea: don’t expect a lot sex when your partner works all day, takes care of kids, has a busy life or works as your business partner. The last thing she wants to do is have sex with a business partner. It just isn’t going to happen. Don’t get frustrated, it will make things worse.
A Solution: Great sex comes from great connection. Be a friend and a loving partner. separate your work life and household business from your play time. Don’t argue about money, and don’t try to nit-pick your partner, most people are doing the best they can in the moment.
Work on transforming yourself and not on improving the other person and things will work out great.
I know these are gross generalizations and your situation is completely different…right?…
Anyway, I’ll get back on the transformational leadership tract next week.
Hope this has some value. Pass it on to other men.
Mentor, Author and President, SeminarSystems.com
A note for you: For us men it is especially difficult to ask for assistance or guidance about relationship. I want to offer you a free thirty minute private conversation about your relationship challenge. Sometimes a fresh perspective is all we need to get everything back on tract. Please click link below choose a time that works for you.
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Sometimes when you are living together over a period of time you look at the other person and you just want to bring to their attention everything they are doing that you don’t like. You don’t like their habits, personal hygiene, speech, how they eat, what they watch on television, how they raise the kids or how they spend money and about a million other things. Your frustration grows and pressure builds and one day you just let it go! This process is normal. It also may trigger in the other person their issues they have with you.
Now you are off and running in a battle.
There is a difference between good battle and bad battle. A good battle should end by clearing the air and reconfirmation of your commitment and love. A good battle always opens up new doors of understanding. In contrast a bad battle leaves wreckage, resentment and doesn’t seem to be over, even if it is over.
The trick is to have a good battle and not a bad one.
Here are the elements of a good battle:
- The other person never doubts your love for them. You don’t use threats of leaving them, withholding sex or making their life miserable in some way as a way of getting them to change.
- A good battle is based in clearing the air. Making other people wrong about “who they are” is not a smart move on your part. You may not like their behavior or attitude but these things are not really who they are at a core level. A person is much more than their behavior or actions. Attacking someone by making it “really personal” creates the other person feeling wrong about “who” they are. They will attack back the same way. For example, sentences like: “You have always been this way…you are just like your mother…or…you have always been (stupid, lazy, uncaring etc.)” are ways of hurting the other person but have no real lasting value. You may get an emotional rise out of them but this kind of attack can cause some long-term resentment.
Also, People will often live up to the reputation you give them! So be careful.
- Good battle has no need to win the argument by you being “right” and making the other person “wrong”. Being right may feel good in the moment but it causes real problems as the relationship slips into a right wrong/game with each trying to get the upper hand.
- Good battle always has a time allowed for the whole thing to play out. Making a remark while going out the door or five minutes before the kids are home is bad battle and unfair. Define the battle and spend the time. Let each person have time to speak and actually listen to them instead of gathering ammunition while they talk. You may be surprised to find out that you both feel the same way about things. When you get through all the differences you will probably find some logic in what they are saying.
- Good Battle always ends with the sincere question: do you have anything more you would like to say? Putting a completion on a battle is an art form few of us master. Completing by saying “…thanks for listening to me, I just needed to be a little crazy.”. or…”I realize that these are ‘my’ issues but they were important for me to share”… or I would not be able to do good battle unless I trusted you… are ways to end battle. You can think of many I am sure. The point is to make sure there is a completion of some kind.
How to always win a Battle.
You will always win when the other person feels heard, respected and loved. Getting your way is not the same as winning. Being right is not the same as winning. You will always win when you realize that people just want to know they matter and that what they have to say is important to someone, especially the one they love. You will always win when the other person feels respected. You can actually get you way by explaining to another person how it will benefit them to go along with you. Sell your ideas instead of overpowering or manipulating.
In conclusion: have good battles and remember they are normal part of relationship. Learn to spend time and perfect they art of battle so that you come out stronger as a couple.
From “The Journey, Radicle Articles, Thoughts and Instructions on Living Your Life as an Amazing Journey.” By Patrick and Nancy Dean. To Order a signed copy, just email: firstname.lastname@example.org and we will get your information $30:00 plus shipping
Patrick: FrankIy, I write this to remind myself to practice these principles every day. I also write it for you, if you are a parent and you want their kids to be happy. Here is what I have learned mentoring, coaching, facilitating seminars and in my own life. Please enjoy and pass it on
“I just want to be happy in my life”.
Here are thoughts and action that move us in that direction;
Be honest in everything you do. Keep your word, follow through, and keep your promises. Be able to laugh at yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others, you will only feel superior or fall into envy. Let your character and the number of people you serve be the measurement of your success.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Knowing you are a fool is more fun than going through life pretending you are not. Take a few risks. Allow yourself to get conned once and a while. It’s Ok, you will have some adventures along the way.
Speak with compassion and understanding, even in times of anger and disagreement. Most arguments are based in the fear not the subject you are arguing about.
Treat great questions in life with lightness and treat the small questions with great attention.
Allow people to love you and love the people you are with, remember, every relationship will end someday.
Finally, do not expect that other people are here to make you happy. They are in this world to fulfill their own destiny, not yours. This means supporting other human beings in the fulfillment of their purpose—not doing it for them, but understanding that a relationship is a place of service.
In the end, we all are responsible for our own happiness and the happiest people I know are into service and are living their purpose.
One last thing to remember: Kids learn from what we do, not from what we say..
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”…I don’t know why I can’t seem to create a different result in my life, I keep repeating my past in different forms. I seem to create the same type of relationships, people, jobs and results over and over. Of course, they look different each time, but underneath they are the same. I am a professional with good skills and the respect of others but it feels all meaningless and unimportant right now. I also have taken many personal development seminars and have “worked” on myself. It’s all good information but nothing seems to change. I really want to change and make a leap in my life, but it doesn’t seem to happen, what is the matter?
Signed,: Baffled and Stuck
I know exactly how it feels to repeat the same patterns over and over. Most of us do. You are not alone in this so don’t despair.
I suggest there are two reasons you keep repeating the same stuff over and over.
One is that you are in a loop with your past. That is, the decisions you have made in your life about yourself and others are making all your choices for you. You are not thinking consciously when you make your choices. You, like most of us, go on “automatic” and make our choices based on our past history. Automatic (unconscious) choices keep us on the treadmill of repetition.
The second reason is that somehow, habit, familiarity and routine have become more important than excitement and “aliveness”. In other words, the misery we know is much preferred to the misery of the unknown! The more we repeat ineffective patterns the more they become the “norm”. I know many people who have complained for years about the same problems and are very comfortable with complaining but are terrified of actually doing something different.
A solution: Radical Awareness and Radical Action.
Radical Awareness: When you become aware and “awake” to your own thinking you will realize something amazing. You are in more control of your life.
You can determine whether your past is a really good predictor of your future or a really bad predictor of the future. Let me explain what I mean:
It is a good predictor when we let past belief systems tell us what is possible in our lives. When we believe that the events from our lives, things we are told by others and our personal history is “who we are” we fall into patterns.
This is what I call being a “prisoner of the past”. Your subconscious beliefs and past experience will determine the box in which you live.
When the past is a “bad” predictor of the future it means that you can determine the direction you want your life to go based on your commitment and your life purpose. Right here I would like to say that, of course, the past has great value. Using the experience from the past, learning lesson and gaining wisdom is wonderful, but allowing our past to determine what we can or cannot do will severely limit your ability produce new results.
This means, Baffled, you are the sole authority on what is possible in your life!
Not your past,nor your genes not your parents, teachers, relatives, friends or spouses.
You can decide your future. This is called freedom.
To repeat, you might consider allowing your life “purpose” and “commitment” to guide you toward your future not old and ineffective belief systems!
Radical Action (for great results)
Start by doing something you’ve never done before!
Try something out of character. Go somewhere, take a class, dance lessons, anything that you are not good at and makes you a little uncomfortable. See how it feels. After a while you can get good at being uncomfortable. I suggest that you apply for new jobs in new locations. Move around, meet new people. It is really important to start associating with people who are creating their lives by their attitude and vision. Hang with people who challenge you and support you greatness not your limitations.
Break the pattern!
Get a Mentor
This is important. Find someone to challenge you and to teach you new ways of looking at things. This mentor should have a lot of actual world experience and be someone who has been there before you. It is really hard to go it alone. You don’t need to. Finding support in creating extraordinary results is the mark of someone who is serious about their life and incidentally is the mark of true leadership as well.
Life is Exciting and Challenging
Remember Baffled, keep the patterns and routines you like, dump the ones that are not brining you joy. It will be difficult, possibly painful, but in the end of the day you will have a much more extraordinary experience of life.! Again, find a great mentor, coach or friend who can support you in breaking through.
Live the life you were born to live, you don’t need to wait!
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