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Happiness: What Do We Teach Our Kids?

Patrick: FrankIy, I write this to remind myself to practice these principles every day. I also write it for you, if you are a parent and you want their kids to be happy. Here is what I have learned mentoring, coaching, facilitating seminars and in my own life. Please enjoy and pass it on

Mr. Natural“I have heard this statement a thousand times:

“I just want to be happy in my life”.

Here are thoughts and action that move us in that direction;

Be honest in everything you do. Keep your word, follow through, and keep your promises. Be able to laugh at yourself.

Don’t compare yourself to others, you will only feel superior or fall into envy. Let your character and the number of people you serve be the measurement of your success.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Knowing you are a fool is more fun than going through life pretending you are not. Take a few risks. Allow yourself to get conned once and a while. It’s Ok, you will have some adventures along the way.

Speak with compassion and understanding, even in times of anger and disagreement. Most arguments are based in the fear not the subject you are arguing about.

Treat great questions in life with lightness and treat the small questions with great attention.

Allow people to love you and love the people you are with, remember, every relationship will end someday.

Finally, do not expect that other people are here to make you happy. They are in this world to fulfill their own destiny, not yours. This means supporting other human beings in the fulfillment of their purpose—not doing it for them, but understanding that a relationship is a place of service.

In the end, we all are responsible for our own happiness and the happiest people I know are into service and are living their purpose.

One last thing to remember: Kids learn from what we do, not from what we say..

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Patrick Dean

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Letter from Reader: Why Do I Keep Creating the Same Old #@*&! ?

 

Dear Patrick,

”…I don’t know why I can’t seem to create a different result in my life, I keep repeating my past in different forms. I seem to create the same type of relationships, people, jobs and results over and over.  Of course, they look different each time, but underneath they are the same. I am a professional with good skills and the respect of others but it feels all meaningless and unimportant right now. I also have taken many personal development seminars and have “worked” on myself. It’s all good information but nothing seems to change. I really want to change and make a leap in my life, but it doesn’t seem to happen, what is the matter?

Signed,: Baffled and Stuck

 

Patrick At Desk Modified Cropped SmallDear Baffled,

I know exactly how it feels to repeat the same patterns over and over. Most of us do. You are not alone in this so don’t despair.

I suggest there are two reasons you keep repeating the same stuff over and over.

 

One is that you are in a loop with your past. That is, the decisions you have made in your life about yourself and others are making all your choices for you. You are not thinking consciously when you make your choices. You, like most of us, go on “automatic” and make our choices based on our past history. Automatic (unconscious) choices keep us on the treadmill of repetition.

The second reason is that somehow, habit, familiarity and routine have become more important than excitement and “aliveness”. In other words, the misery we know is much preferred to the misery of the unknown!  The more we repeat ineffective patterns the more they become the “norm”.  I know many people who have complained for years about the same problems and are very comfortable with complaining but are terrified of actually doing something different.

A solution: Radical Awareness and Radical Action.

Radical  Awareness: When you become aware and “awake” to your own thinking you will realize something amazing. You are in more control of your life.

You can determine whether your past is a really good predictor of your future or a really bad predictor of the future. Let me explain what I mean:

It is a good predictor when we let past belief systems tell us what is possible in our lives. When we believe that the events from our lives, things we are told by others and our personal history is “who we are” we fall into patterns.

This is what I call being a “prisoner of the past”. Your subconscious beliefs and past experience will determine the box in which you live.

When the past is a “bad” predictor of the future it means that you can determine the direction you want your life to go based on your commitment and your life purpose. Right here I would like to say that, of course, the past has great value. Using the experience from the past, learning lesson and gaining wisdom is wonderful, but allowing our past to determine what we can or cannot do will severely limit your ability produce new results.

This means, Baffled, you are the sole authority on what is possible in your life!

        Not your past,nor your genes not your parents, teachers, relatives, friends or spouses.

        You can decide your future. This is called freedom.

To repeat, you might consider allowing your life “purpose” and “commitment” to guide you toward your future not old and ineffective belief systems!

Radical Action (for great results)

Start by doing something you’ve never done before!

Try something out of character. Go somewhere, take a class, dance lessons, anything that you are not good at and makes you a little uncomfortable. See how it feels. After a while you can get good at being uncomfortable. I suggest that you apply for new jobs in new locations. Move around, meet new people. It is really important to start associating with people who are creating their lives by their attitude and vision. Hang with people who challenge you and support you greatness not your limitations.

Break the pattern!

Get a Mentor

This is important. Find someone to challenge you and to teach you new ways of looking at things. This mentor should have a lot of actual world experience and be someone who has been there before you. It is really hard to go it alone. You don’t need to. Finding support in creating extraordinary results is the mark of someone who is serious about their life and incidentally is the mark of true leadership as well.

Life is Exciting and Challenging

Remember Baffled, keep the patterns and routines you like, dump the ones that are not brining you joy. It will be difficult, possibly painful, but in the end of the day you will have a much more extraordinary experience of life.! Again, find a great mentor, coach or friend who can support you in breaking through.

Live the life you were born to live, you don’t need to wait!

With Respect,

Patrick Dean

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Lets Think Differently

images-6I was thinking this morning about actions I can take this week to make the world a better place. And, if I change my thinking and changed my action, is it actually possible for one person to make a difference?

What thinking could we change that would cause a shift in the world…

What if we really believed the following statements are possible and we took action on these beliefs?

War is not inevitable.
Poverty is not a natural part of the human condition.
Abundance and security for everyone is possible.
Crime does not always have to be with us.
Love is a normal condition of human beings.
I make a difference by my thoughts and actions.
The destruction of the earth in not inevitable.
I can still love people even when they do wrong things.
We can get along with less and have happier lives.
It is possible for people to change their minds.
With some guidance and training people can have amazingly satisfying lives.solder and woman

Believing these are possible, I think the biggest risk is being ridiculed and called idealistic and
impractical. Most skeptics will say we have no evidence that these can occur. If we believe the opposite of these are true (and judging by results I say we do) I think it is about time that we join together and change the entire conversation about what is possible. Would you join me in this?

Patrick Dean, seminarsystems.com

Mr. Natural Mentor Tutor Very Small(Question: Are you Ready? I am looking for 5 people who are committed to make a difference…have a vision, message or group they want to inspire. Do you need experienced assistance in creating some extraordinary results?  If you want to talk about being mentored by myself or my team click the link and set up a free 30 minute call, this could just the call and there is no obligation. Click Here: https://www.timetrade.com/book/LRZ8G

 

For Gentlemen Only: You Want Great Sex?


erotic SamuraiFor Gentlemen
: I know this is supposed to be a business format and the blogs should be directed toward professional development, but this one is not. I am moved to write this because of questions I have been asked by men, recently, in my live seminars as well as my webinar training sessions.

This is about relationship and things I have learned working with thousands of people and listening to what creates success and what creates struggle. I am not the smartest guy around but even I have learned and seen some very clear patterns all our behaviors.

Here is something I have learned I want to share, completely off the business tract.. I hope this contributes to a great relationship for you.

Women need intimacy to have sex, men need sex to have intimacy. If you want to have more sex, gentlemen create more intimacy in your relationship.

Here is my experience of what works:

If you want to have some great sex, first, try kindness and courtesy. These seem to work really well. I think we are so busy and familiar with our partners that we forget to be kind and polite. Great sex starts wayedo_samurai_14 before the bedroom. Opening a door, pushing in a chair, kind comments go a long way to create trust and intimacy. Do you think this is old fashioned? Try it anyway.

The next idea is called “The honest conversation”. Most conversations are actually formats where people try to prove they are “right”. If you can have a conversation without judgment and without needing to be “right” you are going a long way toward intimacy. If you can have a conversation without try to “fix” the other person or solve their problems you have entered that place of rarefied air called actual communication.

Another idea: don’t expect a lot sex when your partner works all day, takes care of kids, has a busy life or works as your business partner. The last thing she wants to do is have sex with a business partner. It just isn’t going to happen. Don’t get frustrated, it will make things worse.

Nancy Patrick KissingA SolutionGreat sex comes from great connection. Be a friend and a loving partner. separate your work life and household business from your play time. Don’t argue about money, and don’t try to nit-pick your partner, most people are doing the best they can in the moment.

Work on transforming yourself and not on improving the other person and things will work out great.

I know these are gross generalizations and your situation is completely different…right?…

Anyway, I’ll get back on the transformational leadership tract next week.

Hope this has some value. Pass it on to other men.

Patrick Dean

Mentor, Author and President, SeminarSystems.com

Patrick DeanA note for you: For us men it is especially difficult to ask for assistance or guidance about relationship. I want to offer you a free thirty minute private conversation about your relationship challenge. Sometimes a fresh perspective is all we need to get everything back on tract. Please click link below choose a time that works for you.

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Towards Elimination of Insane Behavior

Mr. NaturalWhen I read about the craziness going on in the world I usually shake my head and say something like: “Oh, that’s human nature” or “What is wrong with people.” Then I can go on reading and having my coffee without looking at myself and my responsibility for the condition of the world. More to the point, I don’t have to really look at how I can actually make a difference. After all, it is not my responsibility.

Do We Have Responsibility in Seemly Random Events?

After a painful self-examination and from my experience working with others, here is what I have concluded; We are responsible because we contribute to thinking, ideas and beliefs that are ineffective and part of the problem. Actually, as individuals we each contribute to the power of ineffective ideas by perpetuating them and agreeing with each other that they are “truths”.

Very Powerful Thinking That May Create A Problem

A very pervasive and powerful way of thinking is “an eye for an eye” or, put another way, the idea that everything has to match our idea of “fairness”.

When we are in pain, we can then justify causing others pain. We can justify causing others pain by assigning blame in the name of fairness or the “they should pay” way of thinking. In other words, we see ourselves as completely right when we say “they deserved it”. With this eye for an eye thinking it is easy to take the next step. We can justify not helping others or turning our back on them. We can stop being concerned about others. We can separate ourselves from all people we don’t agree with, or we don’t like or who act out. After all, they deserve it because that is what is “fair”.

In the name of “fairness” we want others to feel bad that they broke the rules. They “did it to me”. In that sense, we create a world where we pick out the people who should suffer. They should feel pain because they are “bad people”. These are the people that don’t deserve any help or sympathy because; in the name of “fairness” they should be in pain. So, we turn our backs on people who are acting out or doing crazy things. They are not like us. They should know better. Then, when extreme violence occurs, we all are surprised and appalled.

You and I are not going to pick up a gun and commit hideous acts of violence, but just think about how this way of thinking effects our relationships right now. To see the same beliefs in action all we have to do is look at how we withhold our love from one another when we determine they don’t deserve it. If we are honest, we all have a list of the “undeserving people” in our lives and hearts right now.

As I said, you will not pick up a gun and shoot them, but we often wound each other with words and actions. We wound each other with gossip and judgment. We wound each other by isolating and marginalizing people. Think about how this, “If you do this to me, I will do it to you”, thinking is so much part of our lives. You don’t have to look very far to see this thinking in action. Just read the newspaper, see the parade of desperate and isolated people and the things they do.

We can quickly see that everyone plays this game of “fairness”. The outcome of this game is justifying our behavior in the name of our being “right”. This results in lack of compassion and lack of connection for all of us.

A Different Way of Thinking

We may not ever be able to eliminate all insane behavior, but we can shift how we look at things so that more people feel there is somewhere to turn when feeling hopeless or angry. We can instill in our children that sense of responsibility towards one another, especially the weak and disadvantaged. We can understand that when people are afraid, lonely or lost they do some very crazy things. We also know that people have to account for their actions and pay the price, but it is not our place to add on more suffering to anyone’s life because they deserve it.

By speaking out and being honest, we begin the process of changing context and having a different influence on the world. My intention in this article is to be open and vulnerable with you. By sharing my thoughts I hope to creates a space for you to do the same. From this openness we can look ways to to be more responsible for our world.

Playing a Big Game..a Better World

Honest conversation and committed action are playing a “big game”. With Honest conversations, working on ourselves, and living with purpose we can change our thinking about what is possible for our world.

Our company Seminar Systems Inc. is committed to a more abundant and compassionate world. A world that works for everyone with no one left out.

We will continue to do mentoring, seminars and trainings which send great leaders into the world. These leaders will have the skill and commitment to serve others through their businesses, families, churches and communities.

Let’s all be a part of a movement that moves us towards understanding and living our purpose and making the difference we were born to make.

Patrick Dean

Mr. Natural Mentor Tutor Very Small

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The Art of Walking Away

Mr Natural WhistlingSometimes we have a great idea. We go for it. But after a period of time (long or short) and a lot of effort we realize it is not going to work out.

Since we have been told to “never quit” or “real leaders never give up” how do we know when we need to be more committed or when to just throw in the towel?

I think that we need to pack it in when, after sincere commitment, and after giving it a good run the mechanism (the way we are doing something) isn’t producing the results.

The trick is to not to confuse the “mechanism” with our “purpose”. There are many ways to stay with our purpose in life without tying it to a specific way that things “have to look”.

It is probably a good time to stop when the mechanism becomes more important than the original purpose for doing it.

You may give up on a mechanism but I suggest you never give up your purpose!

Purpose can be expressed with many different mechanisms.

Sometimes even when things are working it is time to walk away. If something is draining your energy, both physically and spiritually the price for continuing my not be worth it.

The art of walking away may be a life saver some days.

Patrick Dean

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Seven Ways to Create More Joy in Life

Mr Natural WhistlingJoy is an experience that occurs in the absence of worry, fear and sadness. It is a natural condition when other things are removed. It isn’t something we have to force, manufacture or “work at”.

From my personal experience, (and from my experience being with thousands of people in my training and seminars) I want to share with you ways of thinking that will lead to more joy. These will also create less stress and a more calm and “drama” free experience of life.

Seven Ways to Create More Joy in Life

1. Quit blaming yourself for bad decisions. Certainly learn from them, and don’t make the same ones over and over. Remember, you probably made the best decision you could make in that moment, given the circumstances and your state of awareness at the time. Blaming yourself by hanging out in guilt is very self-indulgent. Sometimes we just have to feel sorry for ourselves and that is ok but try to cut down the amount of time you see yourself as a victim.

2. Knowledge that every good and bad event in life contributes to our character. This may sound simplistic, but there is a basic truth here.  You can handle these events with grace and courage or you can choose to be a victim to them. “things” happens, but what you make these “things” mean is your choice.

3. Live authentically. I have to confess to you that every time I took the easier, softer way, and not told the truth to othersJoy or myself, I created a lot less joy in my life.  You don’t have to be harsh with people, but certainly learn to make a stand for yourself.

4. I have learned that whining and moaning about how unfair life is will only get you a fan club of people around you who think the same way.

5. Live your purpose. If you are saying that I “don’t know my purpose” or “I am confused”, here is one you can use while you are figuring out your true purpose.  Live as if your life influenced hundreds of other people (it does). Live a compassionate and committed life, knowing that you can change other people’s lives just by how you live your life. Bring more love, compassion and commitment and less complaint to the planet.

6. I have found one constant in this world. Everything will change. No matter how bad or good things are going, it will shift. What you can always count on is change.  You are always at choice about how you think about change.

7. In the end, we are all in life together. Learn to give and receive.

Level II Mexico
Finally to eliminate messes and major problems as much as possible by following my friend Doug Pittman advice:  “Live your life as a question, to which the only answer is love.”

I think this is a life well lived.

Patrick Dean

Dillon Beach California

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Two Ideas That Have Transformed My Life: A Personal Message

Mr. NaturalMy life, Many Ups and Downs

I have now experienced in my life  many ups and many downs. I have lived a very lavish lifestyle and have lived hand to mouth.  I have owned Porsches and ridden the bus. I have owned real estate, had rentals and had to live with relatives. All of it has taught me some valuable lessons. I have also had the privilage of working with thousands of people in dozens of different countries. All of this has led me to a new “practice”.  Since I want to experience a life of contribution and peace, I am designing my life based on two principles; service and clarity.

Service

Service is my passing on to others (through mentoring and training seminars), what I have learned about success. I have seen what creates success, satisfaction, happiness, and a life of significance for some people. I have seen struggle with others. I have seen clear paths so that each person can create the life they want and deserve.

I will share what I have learned because I am committed to creating other great mentors and facilitators. People who will become more effective and reach more people than I ever could alone. “A world that works for everyone with no one left out” is our company’s vision. It may not be realized in my lifetime but I will continue to training world class leaders as long as I am able. This is my service.

Clarity

Clarity is the simplification of life. I cannot stress how much joy and freedom has entered my life since I made this commitment. This has meant getting rid of things I thought defined me, such as cars, houses and other stuff collected over the years. Downsizing distractions while focusing on purpose has made a huge difference in how well I sleep at night.

DSC02269Clarity also means being radically clear and honest in relationships. Saying what needs to be said in the moment, Not hanging on to drama and opinions as if they are important (when they are not!). To me clarity allows me to love fully and also to let go of mistakes more often. Clarity has to do with a clear definition of character as well. Wrestling with the question “What is really important to me” caused me some painful realizations, but in the end, has created peace in my life.

A Shocking Statement

One of the most freeing things I have learned is that we cannot control the final outcome of our relationships or our lives. A shocking statement for the goal setting and positive thinking groups, but I believe it is true. I love goal setting and positive thinking, but it is an illusion to think that we control everything all the time.

The amazing paradox here is knowing that the outcome may be different than we expected actually opens the path for bold and decisive action. If we know the outcome will take care of itself, we are free to be totally committed and passionate. Besides, the journey is much more enjoyable along the way when you aren’t always looking at the scoreboard.

My  life has been filled with the unexpected. If I can learn some lessons, live with great joy and great disappointment and not give either power over me, I am living an authentic life.

Message

Join me in simplification and clarity. Bring more peace and joy into life.  Get committed to the outcome you want, be passionate, be unreasonable, go for it, and the outcome will take care of itself.

Remember, It is ok that it won’t look the way you expected it to. Could be outrageously better!

Patrick Dean, 2014Patrick Dean, Co-Founder Seminar Systems

Patrick Dean is a  Master Trainer, seminar designer, mentor and author. If you are interested in a 30 minute free talk with him about the content, design and marketing of your seminar, training, workshop or any great idea you have,  he would love to talk with you. Very simple, please click on this URL and select a time that works for you:

Where Does Personal Power Come From?

Mr. NaturalIf you want to be powerful, that is, influence or create positive outcomes, you must understand the nature and source of real power. In this article we will talk about two main sources of power: our connection to others and the internal source that is confidence and certainty of purpose.

What gives us power is the fact that we have mutual needs that can only be satisfied by each other. We need water and food and shelter to live, but we also need love and social contact. This mutual interdependence is the source of power. You make a difference with people because you have something they want and they have something you want. This interdependence is what connects us but also can be the source of conflict. All conflict is about power.  Instead of dependence on others taking away our power, it is actually one of the sources of our greatest power.

Power by Service

If we know what the other person needs, we can have power by supplying them with what they need. Power is solder and womanthe result of influencing others through understanding and being of service. Power through service is something everyone can do; therefore everyone has an opportunity to experience power. Serving others also means taking care of you as well. Giving away your power with the need or desire to be liked approved of or for the illusion of control will diminish your ability to serve effectively.  Some of the greatest advancements in history are based in people looking at how they can use their power to serve others and taking action in that service. People who act by serving others in a positive way feel powerful and fulfilled in their lives.

Power by Awareness

Another source of power is the recognition (awareness) that we have an amazing influence on others. Our attitude, ethics, and personality affect others in a powerful way. If you want to confirm this, go through a day cranky and upset and see how that influences the attitude and reaction of people around you. Or go through a day being positive and upbeat, you will notice very quickly that you have power to affect people and they may not even know it.

Right WrongWe all know people who are committed to their attitude so strongly they influence a whole group either in a negative or positive way. Acknowledging that we influence people all the time is very important because it recognizes that we are responsible for our influence. This awareness is power in itself. You don’t have to be the president of a company, public official, have a lot of money or be a great athlete to know that you are very important.

Once acknowledged, the question is: How do we develop and use that power to get our needs fulfilled and at the same time leave the planet a better place?

The answer is to use power and influence to create a world that brings out the best in other people. If you leverage yourimages power it can be a force for good. Do not be afraid of your power and use it in a positive way.

Finally, power is living an authentic life. To follow your own vision and dreams and to be your own person is power. To think for yourself, to tell the truth, to keep your word, and to live with compassion is an exercise in power.

Personal power is a result of personal development. Never stop learning and walk through this world with power.

Opportunity: Would you like to talk about a challenges in your business and relationships, or how to get forward momentum on goals or dreams? Just click her for thirty minute free informal consultation with one of the seminar systems team. We would love to talk with you.

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Why Presentations Are Dull and What to Do About It

PowerpointMany presentation are dull, not because of the material or way the presentation are done, but because presenters don’t understand certain distinctions.

If you are going to make a presentation that really moves people to action you have got to understand the difference between motivation, information and transformation.

Without knowing these, presentations “wander” all over the place without really making a powerful point or the presentations become information dumps that leave people numb.

Remember, that a great presentation always has a call to action, a prices and benefits section and an opening that is a real attention grabber.

Also, don’t forget to include, stories, testimonials, a personal share, research, quotes, and humor!

These are all elements that separate a good presentation from an extraordinary presentation. I know for a fact that you don’t need to be a great public speaker to do  amazing presentations.

Mr. NaturalOffer: If you have an upcoming presentation, or you are doing some public speaking or you are having an important meeting, call me, I can assist you. (I do personal mentoring and tutoring and have worked with hundreds of speakers, trainers and business owners.)

If you want to have a free 30 minute consultation with me about the distinctions I talked about above, please feel free to click and choose a time:

Your success,
Patrick Dean